devilishdescent:

devilishdescent:

you sit down at the plastic table because your partner likes being outside at the bar even though it’s 90 degrees and 60% humidity at 10pm and you thought this corduroy dress was soooo cute but now youre all sweaty and so one of your balls has escaped your panties but youre wearing fishnets so your loose nut is now dying like a sea turtle in a six pack ring and youre the desperate diver trying to save it but blind and one handed and stone faced cause you can’t draw attention to the fact that youre doing a high stakes wildlife rescue on your stupid scrotum in public because it might turn into a six month news cycle and desantis might fly out to personally bulldoze the bar. and its a thursday

i dreamt this post got 19k notes overnight and everyone i knew had disowned me for for my cat 5 Sack Slip event

insomniac-arrest:

thedreamthieves:

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283,000 likes………giant meteor strike the earth rn holy shit. oh my god.

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“maybe it’s not your pussy” is such a funny phrase and also correct. People wonder why chores are so hard and it’s like, friends we used to have a whole intergenerational team on this and now Grandma is locked in a beige box. Cooking is hard.

stimpson: “unteriors: “S Walnut Avenue, Booneville, Arkansas. ” You should always remember that when you’re arguing online, the person on the other side is sitting in virtually this exact room ”

stimpson:

unteriors:

S Walnut Avenue, Booneville, Arkansas.

You should always remember that when you’re arguing online, the person on the other side is sitting in virtually this exact room

machine-saint:

hungrychoirs:

cult: you must not eat pineapples after 8am
you: thats really stupid
cult: wow i cant believe you care about eating pineapples after 8am THAT much lol.. mr pineapple over here.. lol you will literally die on this hill? lmoa?

is there a name for this type of “attempted insanity transferal”

i haven’t seen a name for it but I’ve been internally referring to it as “pineappleing”

katelyn-danger:

mitzo:

katelyn-danger:

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, or an expat why they had to leave their communist country.

can I have context i’m not very educated abt this kinda stuff

People tend to flee communist countries because they’re fascists, or they owned a plantation, or they were a capitalist crook. Basically, they’re fleeing being publicly executed by the proletariat for their crimes.

Then they come to America and continue what they were doing before and spread propaganda about how oppressive it was for “small business owners”. See: people who fled Cuba when Castro took their plantations away and now vote for DeSantis.

yugsly:

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I did Not make him gross enough. Don’t ask me why his nose is a 4 I’m level 45 sleep deprived HAHA